Anxiety can be isolating. It fills your head with self-doubt and has you believing you just don’t measure up. It can make you feel like you’re the only one feeling the way you do, and that no one else can possibly understand. How could they? They’re normal and you…well you, are not!
Normal people are not constantly worrying about things that never actually happen. Normal people don’t think they’re going crazy or believe that one more trip down the anxiety rabbit hole will push them over the edge. Normal sounds safe and easy.
Anxiety is isolating because you’re hiding away from the world. You think you’re the only one who has moments of deep despair and feel like you’re broken and alone. No one tells you that the isolation you feel is also being felt by your family member, your neighbour, your co-worker, or your friend.
You would be shocked to see how not alone you really are!
You get up every morning and before you can face the day, you put on your armour. As the years go by, that armour gets heavier and heavier, until eventually it becomes your constant companion. You rely on it, it becomes your comfort zone, and you never leave home without it.
You believe your armour will keep you safe, it protects you from the outside world. It’s built from fear and self-doubt, and those negative thoughts weave together and hardened like steel forming a barrier between the world and your hidden emotional wounds that never seem to heal.
Every time you think you’re the only one, and every time me you listen to your fear and self-doubt, you strengthen that armour. Eventually, instead of protecting you, it begins to suffocate you.
Instead of protecting you, it slowly starts to suffocate you.
Maybe that occasional glass of wine at the end of the day, has now become a daily need. Perhaps you cry yourself to sleep or maybe you don’t remember when you last slept through the night. It may be the constant feeling of despair and loneliness, and life may become more of a struggle. Despite all this, you’re not alone!
Exposing your emotional wounds, scars, and weaknesses to the world may seem terrifying, especially when you’ve hidden them away so carefully for all these years. But one you let down your guard just a little. Once you expose a crack in your armour, you’ll discover that the world isn’t watching.
Everyone’s so busy trying to cover up their own perceived failures and flaws that no one really cares about yours. The only people who truly matter are ones that already see you. There are the people who see you for who you really are and yet have the nerve to love you anyway. They are the ones who have your back, that love you unconditionally.
Isn’t it time to slowly remove that hardened shell and start dismantling the wall you’ve built between who you think you need to be and who you really are?
You’ve listened to the thoughts that you always believed were protecting you for far too long. Those thoughts are not who you are, all they are doing is making you feel alone, lost, and isolated. You’ve believed that your emotional wounds have created flaws or weaknesses. You’ve kept them hidden because you thought they defined you but you’re wrong. They belong in the past and every time you pay attention to them, every time you let them control you, you’re failing to live in the present.
So, the next time you start thinking of putting on your armour, remember, you’re not alone!
Everyone around you has their own suit of armour. Some are thicker and some are lighter, but you’ll soon realize that you are fine just the way you are. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone and gradually your armour will start to get lighter and lighter.
Layers will slowly start to peel away and one day you will feel lighter, that lightness you’ll feel, is a sign that you’re moving in the right direction.
Just over a year ago I was seeing a neurologist after suffering months of debilitating seizures, sometimes convulsive. I’d had a history of epilepsy so the doctors I saw assumed that perimenopause triggered the seizures to start again. Until I finally got to see the neurologist who read all the test results and concluded, “Your brain is fine. This is not epilepsy. I’m not qualified to diagnose mental illness but I believe you have generalized anxiety disorder. I recommend you take . She also suggested I see my GP. So I went to my GP and he, along with every single friend and work colleague dismissed the idea that I was suffering from anxiety since… I’m a really chill kind of woman!!
Well, fast-forward from October 2016 to August 2017 (after a bout of meningitis that also triggered seizure-like episodes), and I had a full-blown body memory while cooling down at the gym with my personal trainer. The experience was of being raped at 20. I went through the entire thing laying on the floor in that very public space! And what was shocking to me was that every “seizure” I’d had for the year prior had been a mini-release, or an attempt to release, this deeply held (and hidden) memory.
So, the neurologist was right, sort of. My seizures were a manifestation of anxiety. Not generalized, but very specific.
And, why did they just start, apparently out-of-the blue 3o years after the rape? Easy. I bumped into the man who raped me… turns out we both moved to the same small town 8,000 kms from where we were raised… I see him from time-to-time now at the grocery store, the thrift shop, walking downtown. My brain thought I had dealt with him and all the trauma that followed the night he took my virginity… but my body hadn’t processed it, apparently.
Now it has! And you know, I’ve never felt lighter. People see it on my face. The inner anxiety is gone. <3
Donna, thank you for sharing your story. I’m so happy to hear that you’ve released that heavy emotional block you had carried around for so many years. I find it fascinating that no matter how hard we try and push away unpleasant or as in your case, horrific experiences, eventually they will show up. It’s like trying to hold a beach ball under water, it will always pop to the surface and at a time when you least expect it. Anxiety is most prolific diagnosed mental health illness in the world. The statistics are staggering and it’s no wonder anti-anxiety medications are quickly becoming a norm.
If only we were taught how to deal with emotions properly!
I too have never felt lighter in my life and I’m on a crusade to show others that its not that difficult once you know how. Congrats on your new found freedom Donna <3