Feeling like a Fraud!

Posted by Jenkins on December 15, 2017

Earlier this year I decided to write a book.

I imagined myself sitting at my beautiful desk, as the sun streamed through my window and a soft breeze danced across my face. Fueled by gallons of tea and biscuits, I furiously tapped away at the keyboard for hours. The words flowed effortlessly; each word landed perfectly in just the right place.

A writer’s life is grand indeed.

Of course, my imagination of what this experience would be was way off the mark, and I can almost hear the collective laughter of all the first-time authors that came before me.

The truth is I’m usually typing at my kitchen table drinking cold coffee and eating leftovers from the night before. I forget to go to the bathroom, drink more water, or get up and stretch and my back always aches from sitting in the same spot too long. I type with two fingers and struggle to find the right word, the correct analogy, and the perfect prose.

It seems a writer’s life is not so grand after all.

To be honest, I’m okay with the fact that writing this book takes blood, sweat, and tears. What I’m not okay with is dealing with the fear. No one tells you (or maybe they did, and I just wasn’t listening) that struggling to find the right words is the easy part, the hard part is battling the fear, self-doubt, and anxiety that comes along with it.

“Who do you think you are? You have no business writing this book; you’re going to be found out and exposed as the fake you know you are.”

It’s like I’ve convinced myself that I’m trying to get away with something and the ‘Fraud Police‘ will soon come knocking on my door demanding proof that I am who I say I am. Yes, my inner voice can be cruel, harsh, and a right bloody nuisance. Learning that most of us battle with it at some point in our lives make it seem not quite so scary. Perhaps it’s applying for a job that you’re sure you won’t get, asking someone on a date when you know they’ll say no, or doing something new like writing a book. It’s called ‘Imposter Syndrome,’ and I had a classic case of it.

What is Impostor Syndrome?

Impostor syndrome:

convinced you are faking your way through your accomplishments
feeling like you don’t deserve success
persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud.

Anytime you’re stepping outside of your comfort zone you’re going to feel uncomfortable. It may show up as that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, sweaty palms, or you might just feel an overall nervousness but what if you looked at this as a good thing? What if instead of ignoring it or trying to work through it you tell yourself that it’s a perfectly normal feeling and it means that you’re learning, you’re stretching and you’re growing?

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.” ~ Bertrand Russell

If you’ve experienced Imposter Syndrome, you’re in great company. Many successful people have battled with it including Maya Angelou, Albert Einstein, Meryl Streep, Sheryl Sandberg, Tina Fey, Kate Winslett, Seth Godin, Tom Hanks, and Emma Watson. These are just a handful of people who have publicly admitted they often feel like a fraud and if they feel it, then why shouldn’t you?

“I always feel like something of an impostor. I don’t know what I’m doing.” ~ Jodie Foster

It takes courage to feel that fear and do it anyway but knowing that it’s perfectly reasonable to feel that way is reassuring. It means you’re not faking it, after all; it means you’re doing something new and that makes you vulnerable, but it also makes you brave. I love that!

I know there’ll be times when I’ll forget that it’s normal to feel this Imposter Syndrome while writing this book. But I’m going to try and remember that I’m growing and sometimes that can be a little painful. I took a giant leap out of my comfort zone, but in the end, it will all be worth it just to say…I did it!