The dark silky water almost feels comforting as you float in the shallows. You allow yourself to relax for just a moment but soon a sense of uneasiness starts to surround you. No one else can see it or feel it, but you know it’s there, lurking just beneath the surface. At that moment, the only thing you know with any certainty is that you need to get out of that water.
You try not to bring attention to yourself, so you start swimming towards the shore, heading for solid ground. You try to appear calm, to look ‘normal,’ but underneath the surface, you’re paddling for your life. The harder and faster you swim, the further from safety you seem to get. With every stroke, you’re pulled back into deeper, darker water, until the cold blackness envelops you, dragging you under. You struggle to keep your head above the surface while the sound of blood pumping through your head is deafening. You fight with everything you have just to keep breathing.
There’s a sharp pain in your chest as your lungs scream for air. No one knows you’re drowning, they don’t hear your silent screams.
This is what anxiety feels like.
Eventually, you pull yourself to safety, emotionally and physically exhausted. Mentally you’re battered, bruised and broken. You know you should be relieved, happy to have made it through to the other side, but all you feel is shame. Shame that you couldn’t be stronger, shame that you couldn’t be like everyone else. Every time you get back in that water, every time you battle, you get a little bit weaker. Ever so close to losing it all.
Anxiety beats you down and erodes your self-confidence. It chews you up and spits you out. Survival takes its toll, and if that sounds a bit dramatic, it’s because in your head the drama is as real as it gets.
You’re not alone!
Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness diagnosed today, affecting over 40 million people in the U.S. alone. 1 in every 4 adults will suffer from anxiety during their lifetime yet only an estimated 37% of those diagnosed will get treatment. Many people are suffering without knowing what it is they are suffering from, they don’t think they need clinical help so they suffer in silence.
If you feel like you’re drowning, never feel afraid to reach out and tell someone. Anxiety can take many forms and not everyone feels it the same way. You may not think that anxiety is a problem for you but if your thoughts are crippling you, if you are experiencing physical symptoms that are affecting your daily life, then reach out. Anxiety is treatable so please don’t suffer in silence.
Ask your family physician for a referral to your local mental health services or contact your national mental health organization.
