If you could go back in time and meet your 10-year-old self what would you tell her?
Most of us would tell ourselves not to worry so much, that things will work out, that everything will be ok.
After all, that would be true, things do have a way of working themselves out eventually. But, here’s the thing, telling some of us not to worry is like telling a new puppy not to pee on the carpet . . . we all know its going to happen eventually!
The problem is no one teaches us what to do to stop us from worrying. Telling us to shrug it off, let it go, forget about it sounds helpful but its not. Show us what to do.
No one teaches us what to do with the feelings and emotions we don’t want. By the time we get to middle school our emotions are running rampant. Not only are we dealing with puberty, a new school, making new friends, and trying to fit in, but its also the time when self-doubt, fear, and anxiety begin to rear their ugly heads. Being a kid is hard.
We’ve all heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”, (who didn’t read that with a sing song voice?). Obviously, that saying is good advice. It’s practical and it makes sense, but doesn’t practicality go out the window when our feelings are hurt? Words said in anger by loved ones, comments made by strangers, or insults hurled by bullies can cut deep and last forever. . . I think I’ll take my chances with the sticks and stones thanks.
More and more kids are dealing with worry and anxiety at a very young age. This emotional pain doesn’t disappear when they grow up and become adults. They don’t grow out of it, they just become better at hiding it.
What I wish is that every child grew up knowing that they have control over how they feel about everything, and that they know what to do when worry, self doubt, fear, shame, guilt and any other painful emotion creeps in.
Teaching kids that that they have control, and what they think about a situation is what creates their emotions would not only help our kids grow into happier adults but I think that bullying would be dramatically decreased. You cannot bully a child, (or an adult for that matter) when they know that they have full control over how they feel.
Knowing what I know now, I would teach my 10-year-old self something else. I would teach that young girl that every feeling, every emotion she was having was because of what she was thinking and that she was in control. I would teach her that changing what she thought about something would change the way she felt about it . . . on the other hand, maybe I will write her a book, after all I know how she loves to read.
