When I became a parent, worry seemed quite normal. I worried about their happiness, their health, and their safety. Their pain became my pain. When they suffered, I suffered. The world seemed like a cruel and dangerous place, and I wanted them to be strong, to be fearless, and most of all to be happy.
I thought that because I loved my children so much that my worry was necessary. Didn’t every parent who loved their child as much as I did, feel the same way? As they grew older, my worries deepened. I worried about bullying, about drugs, and about sex predators. Television talk shows fed my fears and taught me that there more dangers in the world than I could ever imagine.
Worries became anxieties!
The more I learned about all the horrifying things that could befall my children, the more my worries took hold. Worries became anxieties and when they reached middle school, I’d lecture them on everything I had learned. They’d laugh and tell me not to worry, and my questions and concerns became known as their “After School Specials”. I laughed along with them, while a dark shadow of fear slowly stirred in the pit of my stomach.
When they became young adults out on their own, I thought the worry and anxiety would weaken its grip on me. I knew I’d still worry about them, but since I wasn’t responsible for their overall well-being anymore, I thought things would be easier. And for a while they were.
I worried less frequently, but every time the phone rang, that familiar gnawing in the pit of my stomach began again, and I waited for the bad news that never came. I often worried when the phone didn’t ring and I told myself that all this worrying was in preparation for when the bad news actually did happen. Maybe then I could then say to myself, “See, I told you so” as if somehow that would validate my worries in some way.
It was several years later when I finally had to face the fact that something wasn’t right. It might have been when I was curled up on the sofa, unable to function, paralyzed with fear and dread, or it might have been when my poor loving husband, not knowing what to do to help me, gently pleaded for me to get help.
Was I losing my mind?
I had always been a worrier, it was who I was, but now it felt like it had taken control and I didn’t want to live with it anymore. I knew it was preventing me from enjoying life to the fullest, I knew I was missing out on something, on everything. I spent so much time and energy in the grips of worry, fear, and anxiety and received nothing in return.
It was then that I made the decision that I needed to fix it. I needed to fix me. It was this moment that changed everything.
What have I learned?
I’ve learned that worrying wasn’t my fault. Worry and anxiety was a result of my thinking patterns that were based on my belief systems. Over the years, those thinking patterns had grown stronger and more powerful. They were a familiar thought process that had become my default mode.
I’ve learned how to recognize the signals my body gives me when worry starts to seep in. At that moment of recognition, I can pause, sit with it for a moment. I can explore the thought that is trying to find a place to settle in my mind. Those negative thoughts are not welcome anymore. They can visit once in a while, but they’re no longer allowed to force their way in and take up residence. Negative thoughts create negative emotions, it’s as simple as that.
I’ve learned how to separate these thoughts and one by one render them powerless. When they are powerless, they quietly leave. I know they will be back because they will grab any opportunity to return. The difference is that they no longer hold all the power, I do. Every time I defeat them, they become weaker and I no longer fear them.
I know that the mind is a complex and powerful thing. It’s full of imagination and creativity but for many people like myself, it can also be the cause of great suffering. Not all of us are worriers, for some people its fear, self-doubt, anxiety or frustration that can cause their suffering, but it all stems from the same thing……our default thinking patterns!
By taking back control, you set yourself free, and isn’t freedom the goal we all strive for?
