“We can only experience the true beauty of vulnerability when we’re courageous enough to crack open the fractures in our mask and allow the light to shine in.”
I wrote these words several years ago as a reminder to stay open.
To embrace vulnerability when I struggled to share the truth for what would eventually become my story.
Vulnerability wasn’t something I had a lot of experience with and to be completely honest; I’d spent most of my life running away from it. Being vulnerable meant I had to be willing to be emotionally naked and I wanted no part of that.
It sounded too hard. Too painful.
I’d become proficient at hiding my truth. Years of practice will make you an expert at anything, and I’d certainly put in the hours.
I believed my lifelong battle with chronic anxiety, depression, and OCD was nobody’s business. It was something I kept hidden away—something to push down deep inside. It needed to be held in the dark. It didn’t deserve the light.
Could there be truth without vulnerability?
Years later, I wanted to share how I had successfully found my own way to manage my mental health. I had always loved to write, but when my sister first suggested I write a book about my journey through anxiety and depression, I immediately shut the idea down.
If I genuinely wanted to help others, I had to tell the truth, and this meant exposing a part of myself that I had always kept locked away. It sounded uncomfortable. It sounded painful.
Was there another way?
Could there be truth without vulnerability?
Writing with truth and authenticity meant that I needed to share my emotional scars. Sharing the darkest parts of me—the parts that were entwined with secrets and shame—required courage. More courage than I believed I possessed.
I wasn’t sure if sharing my story was worth the pain. It would require a giant leap outside my comfort zone, and the thought of that sounded—uncomfortable!
I used to think vulnerability was a weakness. I believed it was impossible for strength and courage to live alongside vulnerability.
This belief meant that I didn’t allow myself to be vulnerable except with the very few people who knew the real me. The ones who held me safe when I drifted too far and needed guiding back to shore.
However, people can change.
Age and experience can soften the hard lines of old beliefs.
I now believe vulnerability can be a strength in the right circumstances and is vital in finding the one thing that we are searching for in today’s world.
We all want to be seen, to be heard, and to be touched. To believe we are enough. To feel connected.
To achieve these things, we need to be willing to let down our walls and be vulnerable at times. Times when it’s safe. Times when it’s necessary.
While sharing my story meant I needed to be vulnerable, I was careful to share only what was necessary to build a connection. Exposing yourself emotionally for the right reasons makes it a little easier. Trust me on that.
There will always be fear when you allow yourself to be vulnerable, but here’s the thing about vulnerability—it’s contagious. I’ll say that again.
Vulnerability can be contagious!
As soon as I put my story out into the world, it started to take on a life of its own.
Allowing myself to be vulnerable resulted in the opposite of what I had feared; it felt like it gave people permission to share the things they were vulnerable about too.
Being human means that we all have something that can fill us with shame, pain or fear, but knowing we are not alone can soften the edges of those emotions. It can connect us in a way that helps break down the emotional walls we have built around us.
Every self-truth inevitably comes with some degree of vulnerability, and for those of us who have run away from it all our lives, it can be one of the hardest things to overcome.
However, it can also be one of the best things.
You may not get to a place where you can fully embrace vulnerability but if you can gently hold its hand as you share your truth—trust me when I say—it will be worth it.
Taming Crazy-Confessions and Lessons: A True Story for the Worried, the Fearful, and the Anxious is available now!
Taming Crazy-Confessions and Lessons: A True Story for the Worried, the Fearful, and the Anxious available now!
